I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
