Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
