she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
