no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
