This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
