You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
