no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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