I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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