I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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