Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
