Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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