Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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