Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
