Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
