I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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