She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
