that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
worst night to have a conscience
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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