a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
