Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
