took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
