I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
