i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sex in a hospital.. check
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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