At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
