drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize