so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
