Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
