i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
