Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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