Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize