Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize