when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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