I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize