Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
