So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize