you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
