you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize