I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
