The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
