ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
