some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
