Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
