Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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