you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
