This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
they need to just BURY HIM!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
