Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just pee around me
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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