Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
