he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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