it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
