I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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