I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
