my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
