Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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