dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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