She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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