So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
