They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
