She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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