Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
