dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
