I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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