Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize