So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
