i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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