Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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