i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
