he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
