I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
