I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
