It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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