and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
