Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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