chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
