If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
