I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
