well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
