Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
