Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
