Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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