You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
