i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
