Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
