I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
