you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
