I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
