his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
