WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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