Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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