I haven't been this sober since birth.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
