It's Friday. Sex?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
