plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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