Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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