Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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