haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
