well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
