yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
