Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
