Christians are straight up FREAKS
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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