I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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