If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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