Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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