You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love having hate sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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