i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
