oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just google imaged poop.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
