You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
